Churches are considered the shepherds of the holiday season, leading the celebration with Nativity plays, holiday concerts, and Christmas Eve Mass. More importantly, churches faithfully take the lead in providing for the less fortunate. Hosting toy drives, clothes drives, and warm Christmas dinners for those in need are just a few examples of a church outreach event that serve the community during the holidays.
While the less fortunate may enter the church doors full of gratitude, it’s not uncommon for them to feel down or ashamed about their situations. Why not inject a little holiday humor into the church event to help those being served feel welcome, at ease, and hopeful? Blog 11 of our 12 Days of Christmas series does just that, serving up 10 jokes you can tell at your church outreach event this holiday season that you won’t need to ask forgiveness for.
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, ‘Johnny, what is the matter?’
Little Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”
Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall, the hardware store, and the church.
The town hall brought in some cats. But after they tore up all the files, the mayor got rid of the predators, and soon the squirrels were back.
The hardware store humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside of town. But three days later, the squirrels climbed back in.
Only the church came up with an effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and made them members. Now they see them only on Christmas and Easter.
On the Sunday before Christmas, a reverend was walking down a street on his way to see a parishioner. However, he wanted to post a parcel urgently so he asked a young boy where he could find the post office. When the boy had directed him, the reverend thanked him and said, ‘If you’ll come to the Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven.’
The boy replied, ‘I think I’ll give your sermon a miss. If you don’t even know your way to the post office, how will you lead me to heaven?’
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”
The mother replied, ‘Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.’
The child thought about this for a moment then said, “So why is the groom wearing black?”
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six-year-olds. After explaining the commandment to ‘Honor thy father and thy mother,’ she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?”
“Doing my Christmas shopping early”, replied the defendant.
“That’s no offense”, said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened.”
It was a cold and misty Christmas morning in the very depth of Winter after a heavy fall of snow and only one farmer and the minister managed to arrive at the church for the morning service.
“Well,” said the clergyman “I guess there’s no point in having a service today.”
“Well that’s not how I see it,” said the farmer. “If only one cow turns up at feeding time, I still feed it.”
Father O’Malley was driving down to Boston on Christmas Eve when got stopped for speeding in Medford. The highway patrol officer smelled alcohol on the priest’s breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He said, ‘Father, have you been drinking?’
‘Only water’, replied Father O’Malley.
The policeman asked, ‘Then how come I can smell wine?’
The priest looked at the bottle and said, ‘Good Lord! He’s done it again.’
Danny had recently passed his driving test and decided to ask his clergyman father if there was any chance of him getting a car for Christmas, which was yet some months away.
“Okay.” said his father, “I tell you what I’ll do. If you can get your ‘C’ level grades up to ‘A’s and ‘B’s, study your bible and get your hair cut, I’ll consider the matter very seriously.”
A couple of months later Danny went back to his father who said “I’m really impressed by your commitment to your studies. Your grades are excellent and the work you have put into your bible studies is very encouraging. However, I have to say I’m very disappointed that you haven’t had your hair cut yet.”
Danny was a smart young man who was never lost for an answer. “Look dad. In the course of my bible studies I’ve noticed in the illustrations that Moses, John the Baptist, Samson and even Jesus had long hair.”
“Yes. I’m aware of that…” replied his father “… but did you also notice they walked wherever they went?”
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, ‘Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!’
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again!
As she ran she once again began to pray, ‘Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late…But please don’t shove me either!’
Next week we’ll have our last 12 Days of Christmas blog where we’ll list 5 gifts to give your business this holiday season.